Not To Be is a Degree of Being
Windows with bullet holes say not bullets
Healed burns never say hurricanes that came
Attempted to voice their silent gullet
Tenebrae in tainted paint rollers blame
This monumentus stillness of a prance
Homeward to write the improperly voiced
Insistent smiling whenever I glance
Some angular perception, perfect choice
Intonations of metaphysics spoke
Sliding my being to faster presence
Nested secret enough to be named moat
On my metaphorical heart’s peasant
Tribe of new sensations of the minded
Attention to detail yet so blinded.
Love like this was normal in middle school
Over hurts forming regularity
Very painful and gladly skipped. fool
Enough to trust that love could still be. free
Polkadots if you never know this love
On into college, until you become
Everything you were but also above
Maturity and back to being young.
Promising yourself not to change for an
Attainable yet unlikely to make
You feel like writing sonnets that will span
Time bending temporarily to fake
Ordinary conversation into
Nearly the most awkward moment for you.
I love your wording choice throughout the poem, especially in the line, "Polkadots if you never know this love." It's great because it doesn't really make sense in the fact that polkadots is used here, but when thinking about how they are always placed in a random pattern, it makes sense that never knowing love would be described as analogous to polka dots. Also, the acrostic is funny and further explains why you may use some "random" words at the beginning of each line. I think that this strategy suited you well because you purposely set out to pick different words than the norm.
ReplyDeleteI liked the title of your poem because it brings to light some sort of existentialism illustrated in your syntax. I would suggest some more grounding imagery to stabilize certain stanzas such as 4&6.
ReplyDeleteLike title—SO HANNAH
ReplyDeleteLove first line
Only know your emotions through fragments
Need concrete—you have a lot of abstract in first half of poem
Also—you could replace PAYTON?
Thinking more now, do you want to come back to the denial of a love poem? That could be strong, how you deny, then go on to talk about your feelings, then deny it again at the end.