“Just Like Garbage”
I want to write a poem just like
garbage;
Not sure how to begin,
Or where I end;
Should I just rumble on,
And get 100 pages full;
Should I tell a story,
When I met Robert Horry;
Will I write to confess then,
About my worstest sin;
Well no matter what I do,
I hope to impress you;
There is one similarity so far;
At the end of each line,
Not one period in sight;
I suppose it’s time to talk about
the fight,
The one that occurs every night,
We thought we were above it,
Because of the thousands of miles
in our flight;
We fight, we’ll not all of we,
Battle poverty despite our state
being rich
Only giving less than 8 bucks,
To those who stitch,
Fashion clothes and chucks;
A fence to keep out our fears
When we caused a trail of tears;
Is my poem not Garbage yet,
Well would water make me wet
What should I discuss next;
The need for a bulletproof vest;
This may not be the best poem ever
But the way we talk about our
endeavor,
Will be more than just clever;
Coco skin beaten and shot;
Not by a gang, but a cop,
Don’t act like you’re in shock,
We’ve fought and fought
Still it won’t stop,
Just like we should never settle;
Keep reaching to the top
…to be continued
I noticed that you were wearing a polisci t-shirt yesterday which resinated in me when you integrated more social justice commentary in this poem. That part of the poem really grappled me and brought me into the poem. I liked how you went on a tangent about racial inequality because it seems like an issue that you are passionate about writing. I do feel like you can use better adjectives to describe nouns such as line 9.
ReplyDeleteI really like the conversational and relaxed aura given off by the poem in the beginning. You lead people to believe that this is going to be a type of throw away poem, but then in the second half you flip a switch ("I suppose it's time to talk about the fight") and begin to discuss hotly contested issues like violent cops, minimum wage, inequality, etc. I think that the lines, "Well no matter what I do; / I hope to impress you," are confusing because you want the poem to be like garbage in both senses of the word, therefore it doesn't make sense that you would want to impress anyone.
ReplyDeleteThe most powerful parts were when you brought up different inequalities and wrongs. You acknowledge that there are so many you can't talk about all of them, but pushing the poem further on those things would make it feel like more important. To feel like garbage, it would be more powerful if it was about those garbage things without claiming to know the solution.
ReplyDeleteI like the “I suppose its time to talk about the fight”, because you seem hesitant, which is funny and great that you act this way.
ReplyDeleteAlso I like, “What should I discuss next”, acknowledging you have so many options to choose from.
I like the line,” Is my poem not Garbage yet.”
Structure=layers upon layers.
I like the short lines and how you are questioning yourself.
“we’ll not all of we”?
Love “is my poem not garbage yet?”
Right now, your garbage pile poem is only structurally garbage, is that what you intended/ what you want?
Is to be continued your end or not? (?)
Like Ammons, it doesn’t offer solutions, which I think is the point and is like garbage in that once used it has no purpose.
Do you do a little thing under the title like based off this poem or something?