Lactose Intolerance
The slippery elbow of a little brother while he reaches for
another white-floured roll, violently ignores the peas to his right, draws
backward, focus on his target, misfires into his sisters’ dairy glass. It cracks,
fragile walls of Jericho, a leaky faucet, drips like a lost waterfall, unsure
which way to flow. Rain anxiously rolls off the earth or the pilgrim
tablecloth. Sister kneels upon the shards
wine she cannot drink
soaked through her jeans,
sticks to her milky white bones.
With a craned neck, eyes fall back, tongue like a funnel
to catch the falling snow. Clunk. Her head bruises the table. It is it, not she, who cries.
I like how this humorous yet dramatic poem about a boy spilling milk, and playing off of “don’t cry over spilled milk.” The imagery in the poem is fascinating and I liked the line “It cracks, fragile walls of Jericho….,” because it is so dramatic and descriptive. My only thought to bring it more full circle is to get the reaction of the brother after it spills on her.
ReplyDeleteMore line breaks might be helpful in the first half, it could help to guide the reader through each of the images. I love the imagery of the broken glass and spilling milk, "fragile walls of Jericho" and "like a lost waterfall, unsure which way to flow." The very end "It is it, not she, who cries." made me smile because a table was made to cry, but also because of the play with the don't-cry-over-split-milk phrase.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy the comedy of this poem. Within the comedic style, though, you are able to bring to light a story of interest. My favorite part of the poem is the Clunk in the final line because you are able to bring the readers into the world of the poem in a way that allows them to hear what is happening in the scene. I think that you could use more line breaks in the opening paragraph. It would break up the imagery and make the poem easier to follow.
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