Outdated Grandpa
My grandpa didn’t want to believe,
He’d soon be outdated, when
Simply thrashing the three inch rusty nails,
With his grandfathers grandfathers initial engraved
tack hammer would no longer be suffice. When the least of worries would be
cross cutting the wrong colored wires of red, blue and yellow. Many of the
skills he acquired by prehistoric Uncle Jack were now worth less than the two
pennies he raved to rub together to provide buttermilk biscuits drenched in
homemade maple syrup to feed the family of “We are Seven”.
tbh, if anything, most of his old ways are holding
him back in today’s world.
He was taught to be stern, to not break or slightly bend.
So he refuses to dispose that dreadful, longed antenna so called mobile device
that can’t tweet, text, or tinder.
He’s the true definition of #tbt as he still thinks
Facetime is yet another way for the government to spy on us. her
Grandma just forced him to get 4G and Wi-Fi so she
can see her great-grandbabies more.
Grandpa still refuses to fly due to a Vietnam plane
crash. He cranks up his Henry Ford signed truck, causing uproar from every
environmentalist and their Facebook friends.
We’ve given up and I guess it’s ok that I know first
graders who can make better prezi’s and take better selfies.
The theory has been proven,
You can’t teach an deep-rooted canine innovative
tricks.
I liked your humorous discussion of your grandfather in this poem. I thought that your unraveling information about your grandfather being outdated was done well. I found it hard to read the middle paragraph because of the lack of line breaks. I think that if you add more line breaks within that stanza it would help the reader understand where the pauses are. My favorite line is the same as Payton's favorite line: "causing uproar from every environmentalist and their Facebook friends."
ReplyDeleteI like the different images you tie in to play with the "teach and old dog new tricks" saying, but some of the grammar and syntax is sort of stilted. Having the line breaks will help with reading it how you meant it. The use of the new media technology words works very well.
ReplyDeleteI like this allusion but the sentence seems too long to hold the attention of the reader, however I feel like it could be a smoother transition, rather than the title of the poem, maybe a sentence from the poem. I liked the alliteration of “tweet, text, or tinder” because I feel like it nicely encapsulates modern vocabulary that would confuse your grandfather.
ReplyDeleteLine breaks would be very beneficial
ReplyDeleteLove the line “causing uproar from every environmentalist and their Facebook friends”
In final line just “a” not “an”
More about technology in the beginning, or connect to how technology changes the kids’ character in the end. How does technology really change a person?
Lamar,
ReplyDeleteMost of the people above have said it but I think you can benefit from line breaks and also maybe use a little more complex language in your poem. Your word choice could really bring out a true new meaning to a fantastic idea.