Wooden Planks
Shoving bare hands in
pockets
After handling snow
before
Palms start to ache
Gulping down liquid
medicine
In attempt to avoid
The gastric bitter tang
Swallowing undercooked
meat
Before it can reach the taste
buds
To evade savoring death
Holding in your breath while
Passing a landfill on
I-95
So the perfume won’t puncture
your lungs
Clenching eyes and toes
during
A rom-com to eliminate
Possibilities of cold
sweat dreams
Diverting your gaze to
the cross
Heart palpitating out of
fingertips
Anticipating the cold
needle
Tip toeing in across the
hallway because
Your parents are
fighting
And you don’t want them
to know you’re there
I love this poem, Taylor. I would tell you my favorite stanza, but I really find them all interesting and original on their own. Each stanza provides a door into a situation in which the speaker is trying to avoid doing something wrong or bad. I think that the lines, "A gastric bitter tang" and "so the perfume won't puncture your lungs" are so powerful. The only thing that I would like you to change is the last line. I think that you could put your current last line into the previous stanza, and then create a new final line that is strong and encompasses the rest of your poem.I do like what you just said about keeping is simple though, so maybe you don't have to make it stronger. I think that it could really go either way.
ReplyDeleteOne of the most powerful parts about this is that in each stanza there is a sensation involved with avoiding things. These clenching, diverting, gulping, etc. images get inside the reader's body to get them ready for the simple final stanza. The poem feels like a recipe to get the reader for the quiet threat at the end.
ReplyDeleteLove line “To evade savoring death
ReplyDeleteAvoidance is the theme of this poem, and I love the way it carries through.
I think I need more with the title. Something about the wood creaking?
Senses work well