Potion To Turn Back Time:
½ less depending on destination
2. Learn to
walk
3. Forget how
to speak
4. Take 3 hours
to build a sand castle.
5. Destroy with
a team of blonde Barbies,
4 high
heels not afraid of dirt
6. Ride a red
bicycle (Add ribbons to handlebars
as desired)
7. As you ride,
eat a 2 scoop ice cream cone,
let the
blue and red of Superman drip across
forearms, stick to elbows. Let
yourself fly.
8. Try not to
be too devastated when you drop it.
9. Paint with
blue fingers, even if you have brushes.
Scatter 5
smudges on surfaces Mom is sure to see.
10. Want to be
the man your Dad is (Repeat)
11. Cry when
something hurts
12. Run for the
love of sweat
13. Read books,
even in secret
14. Admire the
girls dressed
in slightly pinker confidence.
15. Write
16. Do not
harbor dreams. Let your boat swim in turbulent
lilac tangerine waters. Be odd.
Celebrate it often.
6 manatees
wearing bikinis sunbathe in your glow.
17. Write
18. Refuse to
grow up
In the beginning, you say learn to walk then forget how to speak. Shouldn't it be forget both or learn both? I was confused by this. For #5, I would say destroy 'it' because I added the word it while reading without realizing. For #8, maybe write cry or be devastated since kids don't try to hold it together. (It's childlike to show all your emotions). Overall, I loved this poem. It's bittersweet and makes me want to be a kid forever.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite lines are 1, 7, 5. They really provide a certain imagery to the poem that allows the reader to go back into their childhood. I like the 18 different steps because at the age of 18 is when you become an adult. I think the repeat of the "Write" is interesting because learning to write as a kid was seen just as important as reading.
ReplyDeleteI like the repetition of "Write" but I think you should emphasize it further by leaving 15 how it is but making 17 "Write." in italics. That might be a nice artistic style.
ReplyDeleteI truly love this poem. I think my favorite part of it is that I can definitely see you within the poem. I also found it satisfying that you used the numbers for each line as ages of a child. Understanding that, it is great when you come across the final line and read "refuse to grow up." On another note, I don't know why, but I really like how you use the number 3 in the fourth line and the number 4 in the fifth line. It really stood out to me and got me to pay attention to all of the numbers throughout your poem more than I would have usually. I like when you use concrete, but strange imagery. For example, "let your boat swim in turbulent lilac tangerine waters." Lines like that stand out and force me to remain engaged throughout the entirety of your poem.
ReplyDeleteThe construction of this poem is both humorous and somehow analytical. Something to think about though is being more specific in lines 15&18. What do you want to person to write about? I enjoyed a lot of the imagery you posed in this poem, specifically line seven.
ReplyDeleteEvery time you use numbers it adds to the potion identity of this poem.
ReplyDeleteYour specific images are most powerful.
Lines 15&17 are powerful because they break the pattern, this catches the readers attention. Making patterns to break them is always interesting.
You wrote this poem very well. Line 7 is also my favorite line in this poem. I feel that the learn how to walk line is kind of cliche. The word "write" is very powerful in this poem and could be repeated even more. I also do like the use of numbers in this poem. Overall good job!
ReplyDelete