Beatrice & Ivy
There is a ghost,
she calls herself Chapstick because that is the only physical thing
her body does not pass on through
and no one seems to bother about giving ghosts legal names.
Beatrice has a letter flag banner on the door of room 936
this means she is semi-permanent.
When the lights in the half-real fish tank
switch to a lower setting
Beatrice pretends to be asleep.
Papa believes enough to rest.
It was November when the marks begun showing up on the tough patches
on the back of pediatric elbows.
They were faint at first, mostly
clear sparkles that rubbed away quickly
on white sheets or heather leather armchairs.
None of the marked even noticed
the slight stickiness.
Kei watching Cars, a reward for not whining disproportionately
about the vomit.
San sleeping for the first time in 40 hours.
Deepva sneezing in her dreams of pine trees.
Beatrice watching the hall from the triangle of visibility afforded by her “sleeping.”
The ghost found her first cylinder of Chapstick in a sterilized
unused corner of the waiting room.
Classic skin protectant/sunscreen spf 4.
Sealed for your protection, twist cap to break seal.
Apply liberally before sun exposure as needed
the ghost did not suppose that she would “as needed” very much, but
active ingredients Padimate 0 1.5% (of what?) Spearmint flavored, either white or green.
white petrolatum 44% the ring around the bottom
like the edge of metal money.
The ghost twisted cap to break seal,
holding it perfectly vertical, afraid it might spill.
The ghost knew that touching glitter was pointless
she had tried a few times when the Arts&Crafts Lady stepped into the bathroom
leaving bottles unprotected on the table.
It wasn't the presence of barely visible markings that drew Beatrice’s attention
rather a sudden onset of inexplicable interest in elbows.
Why couldn't they feel touch? how did they get strong?
The ghost knew (well, assumed) that there were no physical laws
limiting contact between Chapstick and glitter.
Beatrice first hypothesized that cancer made your elbows excrete glitter.
She soon observed the failure of this proposition due to overwhelming data suggesting this was not verifiably correct.
The first few marks were just a test. Could you affix glitter to the skin with Chapstick?
Mortal skin? Her shadow?
Beatrice didn't need to believe in ghosts.
The ghost didn't believe Chapstick was sticky enough.
but between attempts
the glitter that secretly hitched a ride on her
shadow left little thumb prints and heel marks
of ghost.
That is how the ghost got a name
Ivy
the name of a fairy in a tail woven by the mother of an almost gone girl.
The elbow marks had been subtle,
but nurses eventually noticed Ivy’s trail,
they called her Ivy, a 5 year old princess who lived in a castle made of zucchini bread
always left a trail of glitter in the wake of her tiara.
It was an unfit name
The poem had a very good flow to it. The wording was very beautiful. I really liked the beginning stanza and the added humor of not giving a ghost a legal name. I was slightly confused about the plot at first read, but after hearing it read aloud it made more sense.
ReplyDeleteWhen you say, "she calls herself Chapstick because that is the only physical thing
ReplyDeleteher body does not pass on through," I like the thought of it but I don't really understand how it's possible or what it means. I think you could change the line "Papa believes enough" to 'Papa believes her enough' or 'believes it enough' because I was confused. One line you could take out is the (of what?) from "Padimate 0 1.5% (of what?)" since you say Padimate right before. (it's of Padimate).
I really like your images throughout, for example: an unused corner and an almost gone girl.
My favorite part of the poem is when you listed the active ingredients of chapstick and related it to the ghost, but I became confused by the final stanza. I'm not sure that I understand where the poem went in the end. I like that you thought a lot about line placement throughout the poem. You worked well with indentations, and I thought that it made a positive impact in how I read and understood the poem.I found the poem to be really strong in its tone and description. I especially enjoyed the repeated instances of elbows in your work because I feel that they are not the most referenced body part in literature, and it really stood out when you used it. I would definitely suggest fine tuning the areas that make Ivy and Beatrice seem like the same person because it is hard to identify which characters are in play and who they are. You could maybe italicize one of them or just give them each a distinctive voice.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you explained the poem in class, and now that I am reading it with a new perspective, I like the direction you are aiming to with this. I have never tried intersecting stories. I know that it can be a little tricky. I think different structures in regards to syntax could help distinguish characters or italicing one character. I feel as though the instructions could blend together better to aid the flow of the poem.
ReplyDeleteThe initial switch between Beatrice and the ghost (Chapstick, Ivy) was a bit fuzzy for me. Maybe italicize one of the two? The poem is filled with long, heavy lines that on first glance were too much, but especially after hearing you read it I second-guess myself. There is lots of valuable, thick description to keep, however you could try to make it as concise as possible. This thick description was very top-heavy in the poem and as it progressed seemed to happen less. I understand that you are telling a story, but I think it is something to look at it.
ReplyDeleteLine indent? Sometimes you say too much but meaning could be enhanced by saying less.Language is good. Interesting but kind of confusing.
ReplyDelete