Water Rafting
A waterfall G and the boat B
represent the system that will take you down the river
the alligator H watches open mouthed
prompting you to smack your oar C and yell "pura vida"
The system depends on the guide D, but you depend on your family
E
From the fall I to the duck J to the watch K
the instructions are clear
the red L must follow
without sun F, there is no chance, no flow
of water A
d (e (g+b > h x c) + (i+j+k) - l + fa)
The experience is your own, represented by letters
in an equation that is dependent on you alone.
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ReplyDeleteI love how your last line debunks the equation. By this I mean you say experiences cannot be determined by a specific formula. It reminds me of how people try to plan so much but you can't really plan experiences, they just happen.
ReplyDeleteNotes I received from the class:
ReplyDelete-the letters are capital, but the equations are lower case
-the equation showed the randomness of things- showing that not everything is as concrete as it seems
-play with the phrasing so that when you introduce the variables it will catch people's attention
-reminds how people try to plan so much, but you cannot plan experiences
-Want more of the beginning throughout the second stanza
-FLESH THINGS OUT MORE
-Just explain why some things are happening- like the sun for example
Mixing up the way you introduce each variable in the poem would be useful. It is interesting how you don't put together the equation within the poem, instead you put it all together at the end. The last two are really powerful and I believe that explains your reasoning for this particular structure.
ReplyDeleteI just noticed when rereading the poem in class that the variables are capital throughout the poem then lowercase in the equation. Is this on purpose? I love the concrete images, the beginning through the alligator with his/her open mouth. But I need more of that with the rest of the poem. I thought the duck was a literal duck. Quack. What if it was? Play around with the variables, because for me I read this and pictured a zany, cartoon, river raft. That being said, cartoons are not super detailed, but they are colorful. Add some color (does not have to be literal). Like the sun, why is there no chance about the sun?
ReplyDeleteI think that the structure can help aid the reader with the understanding of the variable. I liked the hypothetical set up of the poem; setting, action, imbedded letters. It almost seemed like it was a video game experience where you have to press the correct buttons to move. I would suggest breaking up some of the longer sentences. For example "The system depends on the guide D// but you depend on your family E"
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this poem. However, I feel that the correlation of the variables could be made much more clear. Sometimes I feel that the poem gets a little wordy but the images are very powerful. I like the Pura Vida line a lot, yet I feel the last line is quite repetitive.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite concepts from this poem is the randomness of experience. You set up all the variables, making them a unified system. But then the equation is more random than systematic, like living is.
ReplyDeleteAs I mentioned in class playing with the way you introduce variables might be interesting.
It is those images and details that are most powerful. The more physical senses are involved, the better the reader can access the experience.